My Daughters

It was the Monday before school started. I thought it would be a great day to go on a nice bike ride with my girls. I talked to them about it the night before and was very excited to get some good exercise and spend time with my girls. Monday morning Reese woke up in a mood and she started fighting with grandpa (well I am not really sure which one started it). He didn't want the lights on because he wanted to save money on the electric bill and she wanted the lights on because she likes them on. Either that or she wanted to show grandpa he couldn't tell her what to do. She even called grandpa out on the tv being left on even when he wasn't in the room. It was rough trying to be a referee between the two. Reese needed to show respect to her grandfather and yet having a light on to work on school work is nice as well.

Then I went upstairs to talk to Celia about getting ready to go bike riding. She was busy working on some school work (yeah I am one of those moms who gives school work to her kids during the summer). She had other plans and ideas of what she wanted to do and she didn't want to go on a bike ride. "Mom, why do you make things sound like a choice in the beginning and then force me to do stuff." By that time I was ready to loose it. (There was also the stress of a traveling husband and not knowing how that was going on because it can never be just one stressor.)

So I told Celia, "Fine, do whatever you want. I just thought it would be nice to do together and you've been talking about wanting to exercise. Nevermind."

Celia ended up changing her mind, probably because she felt bad for me and wanted to try to be nice. I did explain to her about the fighting duo downstairs as well.

So we finally went bike riding. Grandpa decided to come a long as well. It was at this point that Reese started to get frustrated. She had to get off the bike and walk up the hills (she does not always do that). She was tired and she was missing having music on our ride and I was too.  My phone got wet and the speaker no longer works. There was a small fall and quite a bit of whining and "I am not going to get back on my bike until I want to" comments.

I was frustrated and looking at my beautiful daughters and wondering what I was going to do with their strong personalities. The personalities they were born with. Celia was born c-section, but as soon as they had her cleaned up she let out a cry that my mother heard from the hallway. Reese was also a c-section and they put her under lights for some jaundice issues in the hospital. Reese was so mad and only a day old and she pulled up on all fours screaming. They were born with a strength that has been a lot for me to deal with.

As I was looking at them Heavenly Father allowed me to see so much more than I had ever seen. There is a purpose to them having the personalities and strength that they have. Heavenly Father inspired me with these words in poem for them. (By the way, if anyone knows how to do artistic stuff, I would love and pay for this poem to be done nicely so I can frame it by a picture of my daughters.)

My Daughters

She was born with fire in her eyes

Unrelenting, spirited and stubborn

With a scream that could wake the dead

She questions everything

Never accepting status quo

She is a fighter ready to go the rounds

The word “NO!” etched in her brain

She challenges, humbles and teaches me

She is my greatest love, worst heartache and the joy of life

Her hug and “I love you” chisel my rough spots

Refining me and making it all better

She is her own Captain

I am her first mate

She will choose

I will cry and smile with her

Helping, advising and guiding her along the way

Back home to HIM

She is mine, but she is HIS

HE fearfully made her

Knows who she is destined to be

HE gave her that strength, attitude and stamina

Made her the fighter

HE loves her ALWAYS

HE wants her back complete

She will get there, with some guidance

May she ever remember she is mine

More importantly she is HIS

HE wants her back

Line Upon Line - Pathways Rocks

https://video.byui.edu/media/Pathway+Website+Overview+%28English%29/0_ut6fwrbr

Recently I started to take college classes through a program from my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) entitled Pathways. I have always really wanted to finish my college degree and it has made me sad that for years I have not finished it. The only consolation I have had over the years is that I realized that I no longer have any desire to get a college degree in Accounting like I originally planned. So I am at least grateful that I did not get a degree in that major. Nothing against Accounting, but I started wanting that degree when I was in elementary school. In my grade school mind an accountant was a glorified secretary with a few math skills. I was pretty sure I could handle that job because I had math skills.

 This summer I felt deeply impressed that I needed to start the Pathways program this Fall semester. Which is utterly Crazy (yes with a capital C). I am getting ready to move from Georgia to Texas (with most of our stuff in a storage unit in Pennsylvania). My husband just barely got home from deployment and I want to spend time with him. Still I knew that Heavenly Father wanted me to do it and I started in the middle of September. I am so glad I followed that revelation from God to me. It has honestly filled my life with so much spiritual goodness that I can't imagine why I didn't do it earlier. It is an amazing program and if you are thinking about doing it and feel good about it, do it now.

One of our weekly assignments for class is to share what we learn with others (isn't that so cool). So this week I decided to share an experience I had recently and something I learned in my Book of Mormon class. If you aren't excited, you should be, it is awesome.

Elder David A Bednar one of the 12 apostles of our day said in his talk entitled "The Spirit of Revelation" that there are two patterns of revelation. One is like a light being turned on in a dark room, it is immediate and intense. This type of revelation is rare. The other pattern of revelation is like the sun rising in the morning. It is the more common pattern of revelation. "The gradual increase from the rising sun is like receiving a message from God 'line upon line, precept upon precept' (2 Nephi 28:30)" As soon as I read this, I realized that many of the experiences I had been having in my own life were indeed line upon line. I will share only one recent experiences to illustrate my point.

After we got our official orders to move to Texas we started looking for a house. Our immediate thought was to live on base at Fort Hood. I even submitted the paperwork to do it. Then one day while praying and after talking to my husband, we started to look in the neighboring cities by the base. We found a house we liked and applied to rent the house, but they wanted a much earlier move in date then we were comfortable with. During this time I was texting with my good friend Laura Hughes who just moved from the area. Laura puts me into contact with a friend of hers from the area who is a realtor. That friend sends me a house that is more expensive than I was looking for. The house is beautiful and I can't get my mind off of it. She looks at it for us and sends us the video and we apply for the house.When 3 or 4 days go by and we still don't even know if our application is accepted despite numerous calls on our part, I am praying to know what to do and then I call my husband. He says, well lets look at other houses and I know that is the right choice. We find another house with the first company and get everything squared away to rent that house. We both felt much better about working with this company.

I realize that this is such a small thing, finding a place to live, but I also know there is no such thing as too small to the Lord. He truly answered my prayers to know where we need to go when we move. I don't know why we need to live in this area or if that house really matters all that much. What I do know is that the Lord led us there and there is a reason. I am grateful that He led me "line upon line" because it made our family closer together as we looked together and discussed plans and prayed together. I know that the revelation I receive is more often only a little bit at a time and it slowly leads and guides me to where I need to be or what I need to learn. Now I just need to enjoy and accept when I am getting that little bit and hold on until it all comes together.

Expectations and perspective

A few months before John came home from his deployment in Afghanistan we started to talk about what we wanted to happen at the airport. I asked him what he felt about a photographer being there to take pictures and he didn't love the idea, but said it was up to me. I have gone to ceremonies that are held for active duty army soldiers when they get home from a deployment and taken pictures. The pictures are wonderful and while I wanted that, I couldn't bring myself to pay for it when I have been working hard to get out of debt. I forged a compromise and said what if my parent's come and take pictures. So I mentioned to my parents that I was hoping for that, but did not go in depth on what I wanted.

Like most of the world, I have also seen those amazing videos showing the reuniting of a soldier to their family from a long deployment. I wanted that moment, but I struggled to talk about John coming home up until he was almost home. I was afraid to count on him coming home only to have some change of plan in the military and then have the disappointment of him not coming home. For some reason I think that if I don't say something is definite it will hurt less when it doesn't happen.

John came home earlier than his unit because he needed to attend a course in order to advance in his career and he happened to get into said course toward the end of his deployment. It was hard for John to leave his guys and there was definitely a little bit of guilt felt on my part that my soldier was coming home when others were not yet.

Like most things in the military, my husband did not go straight from deployment to home. He went from Afghanistan to a base in the US where he had to do a bunch of things before they would release him. I knew when he would be at that base, but had no idea when he would be home with me and our girls. In fact, I didn't know he was coming home until the day he came home. It was a Friday and he was came home late at night.

In preparation for John coming home I had been making sure to clean our space, got all pretty, got my nails done, and made sure that his car was clean and ready for him (He loves LOVES his car). The night he came home, we go out to the car to start driving to the airport and the car battery is dead and it is starting to rain. Since I am starting to feel anxious and feel like I don't have time, we just take my dirty and stinky car that has not been cleaned to the airport instead. There is quite a bit of traffic on the roads and we barely make it to the airport in time. I catch a glimpse of my brother in law, Micah, and his wife, Sarah, before running to the bathroom with my youngest.

Then we are out there with our sign awaiting John's arrival. I get a call from him that he has landed and he is at a different part of the airport. We all frantically start to go to the other part of the airport and wait. As we are waiting and waiting and my anxiety is mounting, I realize that we have been waiting too long. I call John and he is over by a different baggage claim area and once again we are racing to find him. I am on the phone with him until we see him. Then my girls race to their dad and give him big hugs. I take a picture of them together and then my husband sees his brother. So John goes off and hugs his brother Micah and my mom whispers to me, "Has John even hugged you yet?" No, no he hasn't. :(  John hugs his brother, his sister in law, and then my mom. Finally after all of them I get a hug and a kiss.

There were no videos taken, no time for him to see the sign we made, and the only picture that I have with him shows my back side. (Really what was the use of me doing my makeup and getting all pretty if there are no pictures to show for it. Not really, but kind of.) At this point I am so happy to see him, but I am still anxious and also a bit disappointed. We go off to the previous area to meet up with my dad and get John's luggage and everyone is so tired after we get the luggage that we go off in our own cars and head home.

Since John's license had expired while he was overseas, I had to drive home. The traffic heading home was even more horrific and so we decide to go a longer way that will avoid a good bit of the traffic. It is about then that it starts to pour down rain. Have I mentioned that I am not a great driver at night because it is really hard for me to see. So I am incredibly anxious trying to wrap my brain around disappointments and be happy that my husband is home and get everyone to the house in one piece. Sometimes my multi-tasking abilities amaze even me.

Yet it is while we are on our way home that God changes me and humbles me and makes me see the light. Because sometimes, more often than I would like, I can focus on the negative and the things that are going wrong in my life. Instead, He showed me the light and helped me to re-write this little story of our reuniting.

You see my dad told us that we should leave earlier than we had planned, so the dead battery and traffic didn't end up making us super late. My car had enough gas to get to the airport and was available when the other had issues. Even though we had some traffic on the way to the airport, it was not as bad as the traffic going the other way. Once at the airport, there was plenty of parking. I got to see my girls run to and hug their dad with so much love that it warms my heart even now to think about it. My husband gave me an amazing hug and sweet kiss. Then my youngest was held by her dad with her arms wrapped around his neck and she was so very very happy because she is a daddies girl.

Although I felt like a nervous wreck the whole way home,  my husband noticed this and said encouraging words to me and played with my hair or held my hand.  Even though the drive home was longer than we would have liked, we were all together and we arrived home safe.

You see sometimes we just need to let go of expectations and change our perspective to see the joys that are a part of the experience. After all the most important thing is that we are all together and that we love each other. The pictures and videos and clean cars that work would have been nice, but they aren't necessary. We had and have the most important stuff, the rest is just fluff.

(Side note: I will totally hire a photographer if we ever go through this again. One that is flexible with their time and realizes that we only know last minute. However, I hope to never have to go through this again and will be perfectly fine with that as well.)

Being Anxiously Engaged

       This is a talk that I gave at church earlier this year. In my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) the members of the local congregation are asked to take turns speaking during the first hour of church by the local leaders. This is my talk that I gave with some modification upon delivery.  I have felt like I needed to put it here for a while. :)

        I remember going to a Time Out for Women event many years ago.  One of the speakers talked about the world we live in today compared to world that Joseph Smith lived in. He mentioned that it is almost impossible to have complete silence and true darkness now. There are street lights, machines, and other modern day conveniences that make some sort of noise or produce some sort of light almost everywhere. However, Joseph Smith was brought up in an era where there were a lot less distractions. His house was not filled with ipods, tvs, computers, or even very many books. They did have the family bible and a lot of time to work hard for the basic necessities of life like food, land, and clothes. While they worked they didn’t have mp3 players to keep them entertained. They were left to conversations with one another and their own thoughts.

        This is probably one of the many reasons that Joseph Smith had a lot of time to think about the scriptures he read and to really dwell on which church he wanted to join. His experiences eventually led him to pray and in answer to that prayer he was able to see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Because of Joseph Smith’s life we enjoy the Book of Mormon and other scriptures as well as the reestablished church just as Christ originally established it when he came to the earth.

        The problem for us today is that we don’t have silence. There are so many forms of entertainment and an abundance of things we can do just about every minute of every day. Boredom is almost a thing of the past. Instead the problems we face are trying to decide what we want to do with our time from the many options available.

        In a book called Ouliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about how a person needs to spend 10,000 hours doing something in order to become an expert at it. I have thought a lot about that over the last few years. What do I want to become an expert at and what am I spending my time doing?

      In the scripture D&C 58:27 it states “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;” under the subheading for Anxiously it states synonyms for the word: dedication, diligence, good works, industry, zeal

          So in an attempt to figure out what every person should be anxiously engaged in on a regular basis I have come up with a list. Lists are very popular these days.

  Here is my list of the Top Five Ways to be anxiously engaged on a regular basis

• 1.    Read your scriptures
• 2.    Go to church and try to really truly partake of the sacrament and participate in all the meetings
• 3.    Pray
• 4.    Love those around you, especially your family
• 5.    Listen for the promptings of the Holy Ghost about what you need to do and have the strength to follow through

        By the time I got to number 3, many of you were probably rolling your eyes or maybe even falling asleep and saying that these are just the typical Sunday school answers. Nothing new or different. You are of course right, but just because you have heard it a million times does not make those answers any less right. In Alma 37:6 it states “Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” We must never think that we no longer need to read our scriptures, go to church, or pray. When we do these small and simple things we truly do gain greater knowledge and it allows God to do great things with us and our lives. After all, how can we expect to become expert in those simple things if we don’t put in our 10,000 hours.

         Daily Scripture study and prayer helps us to put into action the promises we make every Sunday when we partake of the sacrament. We promise every Sunday that we will always remember him. Since actions speak so much louder than words, it shows our Heavenly Father how much He truly means to us when we put down that game or app on our phone and turn off the tv or forgo whatever our vise is for a few minutes every day to read his words and speak to Him who gave us all.

           The fourth way to be anxiously engaged is Love. I guess that is pretty fitting since it is Valentines Day this week. Loving someone isn’t a one day event, though. It is not always easy and sometimes can be downright hard. Yet when the Savior was asked , “Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou Shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” 

       Wow, this Loving people stuff is pretty important if that is what Jesus says is the great commandment. When we serve and love others, we are once again putting into action our commitment to our Heavenly Father. We are showing that we  want to follow our Savior.

During my second year of college I was going through some difficult times. I was having issues with roommates and I felt pretty down. I was asked to teach a Sunday lesson on the worth of souls and while preparing for that lesson I was given a gift. Instead of barely glancing at the people I passed in the hall. I was able to look at them and see what our Savior sees. I didn’t focus on the pimples, weird clothing choices, or whatever else I would normally see. At that time I saw everyone as a child of God with value and purpose. I wish that I could have kept that forever, but I am grateful that I could see that way for a short time. It changed me and made me want to look for the good in people.

      Sometimes the hardest people to see the value in and love are the people that we spend our time with every day. The longer we are with them, the more time Satan has to expose flaws and to get us to focus on those. However if we want to love someone we not only need to see the good in them, but we need to help them to see the good in themselves as well. That is what it means to truly love someone.

       Our prophet, Thomas S. Monson is one of the greatest examples of love alive today. He spent a lot of time and energy reaching out to people on an individual basis. He even used some of his vacation time to spend with those who needed him most, the widows of the ward he was called to be a bishop over at the time. One of my favorite quotes from President Monson is, “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”

       When we do the first four things it is a lot easier to do the last one and hear the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. Each and every one of us has specific things that we need to do in our life. The only way we can do them is by finding out from Heavenly Father what they are and then having the courage and determination to do them. The things I feel compelled to focus my life and energy on are not going to be the same as someone else.

For years I have heard that it is important to have a food storage. At times I have made a meager attempt to do so, but I have never really felt like that is an area I need to focus on. At this point in my life I am glad. Moving with a lot of food storage and having to store it for a year would not be a good use of my finances or energy. However, I have a friend that at one time felt very inspired to get food storage. She was living in Hawaii when 911 happened and all outside food sources were cut off for a while. The shelves at the stores became bare and many people were trying to find food. She didn’t have to worry and was very grateful that she had listened to that prompting and gotten some food storage.

      A few years ago I was sitting in a sacrament meeting thinking about how hard it is for me to bear my testimony, not just in a testimony meeting but also on an everyday basis. At that time the Holy Ghost whispered to me that the only way to get better was practice. So I have been practicing listening to the Holy Ghost and bearing my testimony. I hope that over the years I have improved, but it still makes me very nervous. Since then, I have had opportunities to bear my testimony in difficult circumstances and I know the practice helped me through those times.

     We all have areas we can improve and we can seek the Lord’s guidance to know what we need to improve and how we can do it. However, each and every one of us also has specific things that the Lord wants us to do.

       In D&C 107:99 it says “Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence.”  When we receive a calling at church, we are essentially being told that Heavenly Father wants us to spend our time doing this calling. Maybe he wants us to improve in our teaching skills, organization skills, or communication skills. Maybe there is a specific person He needs us to help. Whatever it is, we are given callings for a reason

       When we read our scriptures, go to church prepared to learn and participate, pray, love others and ourselves, and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost we are being anxiously engaged. In the verse following the one about being anxiously engaged it states “For the power is in them wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.”

        We all have the exact same amount of hours every day. What we choose to do with our time will be different. However, when we choose to be anxiously engaged in the work of the Lord and do what He wants for us there are great rewards. Some of them will come after this life, but we will have greater peace and strength now as make good choices and spend our 10,000 hours in worthy pursuits.

The Ripple Effect

You have heard of and probably even seen the ripple effect that happens on water. It starts with one simple thing touching the water's surface, then a circle appears around that spot. That one circle in the water creates a second and a third and on it goes as the ripple spreads. That is the way my moments and days of depression start. I think one simple thought and unfortunately I let that thought continue not just above the surface of my consciousness, but I let it touch me. Soon the ripples have spread and the one little thought has expanded to an abundance of negative thoughts and an overwhelming wave of sadness that absorbs the calm inside.

Sometimes that first negative thought is that I really am unattractive, like it was two weeks ago. Then I will start to pick apart every aspect of myself. Starting with my face and body. It will become impossible for me to look at myself in the mirror because I no longer see anything of value there. Video chatting with my husband is torture because I want to cover that little picture of myself up. I want to see him, but not be seen because how could anyone love someone who looks and acts like me.

Those thoughts begin to grow and next thing I know in my head my marriage has ended and I am devastated in a very real and poignant way. Being stuck in my head is not always a good place to be.

On a side note: I guess it does show me how much I love and truly need my husband in my life. He is my other half. The one that says silly things and makes me laugh...without him I can become too serious and stuck in my head.

A few weeks ago those negative thoughts and depression overcame me. I was unable to focus on anything, but those negative thoughts. The internal battle was a very difficult fight and I really hoped and had faith that I would be the one to issue the knock out punch. I did, but it took time, the Lord's help, Moana and a loving mother (not necessarily in that order).

First I will start with my mother. She knew I was struggling and knew that my "internal dialogue" as she called it was very negative and needed a change. One night she told me that she was going to give me some words to look in a mirror and say and that I needed to say them. She said (something along these lines, I am not good at memorization), "I am beautiful. I have value. I am a wonderful and caring person." Mom even encouraged me to repeat them after her. I don't think I did. Not because I didn't like her idea, but because I knew I couldn't say them without crying and I was sick of crying. Crying in front of others makes me feel weak.

Second, I prayed a lot. On my knees, in my head, every chance I could get. I asked for help from our loving Heavenly Father.

Third, the Holy Ghost whispered in my head that I needed to listen to the soundtrack of Moana. My favorite part of that whole movie is when Moana fails and she gives up. Then her reincarnated Manta Ray grandmother, Tala, comes and she sings to her and asks her a simple question. "Moana, do you know who you are?" I listened to that song too many times to count and I kept listening to it and I kept singing along to it even though I do not have a good voice (thankfully I was alone in the car).  Then I started to fight back against those negative thoughts and depression.

Jennifer, Do you know who you are?

I am Jennifer Autry, I am the daughter of two amazing parents who love me. I am the wife of an inspiring and giving man who loves me. I am the mother of two beautiful strong girls who need to see my weakness as well as my strength to know that I have overcome challenges and they can too. I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who never leaves me alone; who sends angels (thanks Aunt Susan) to help me when I need it and He sees in my so much more than I could ever imagine. I have a part to play and it is a good one, my part. I may be the crazy grandma or a silly chicken or maybe even just the silent, but ever present water (go see Moana if you don't understand these references it is pretty good). Whatever part I have to play in life doesn't matter, what matters is that I don't give up or give in to the negative thoughts that will drive me down and make me incapable of any action other than laying on my floor begging for escape from my mental torment.

I felt so much better after I started to fight back. Which was a good thing because there was a problem with the car on that same car ride and I needed my sanity that day. I hope that I remember this day and that the minute a negative thought tries to get inside my head I fight back. I say no, you can not stay here. I know who I am and you are not welcome here.

Anyone who reads this and may be struggling their own internal or external hell, please don't forget who you are and fight the negative thoughts. Look up and know that you have a part to play and it is a good one.

2016 Christmas letter

Since we knew our time in Pennsylvania would be short, we tried to make the best of it. We were able to visit Palmyra, New York and see where our Church was re-established in latter days. We were also able to go to the priesthood restoration site and see where priesthood was restored. Some of our other favorites were Niagara Falls, New York City, Statue of Liberty, Independence Hall, Liberty Bell, Gettysburg, Washington D.C., Valley Forge, Bird In Hand (no joke that is the name of a city in Pennsylvania- it has a large Amish community), Hershey, and Philadelphia (we had some nice cheese steaks and toured a recently finished temple for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints).

We only spent a short time at many of these places and hopefully we will be able to go again when we have more time. Still, we truly feel blessed for all of these experiences and for the amazing friends that we made in Pennsylvania. They have become a part of our hearts, just like our other family and friends over the years. Thank you for being a part of our family.

At the end of September we moved in with my parents, so that John could train for and eventually deploy to Afghanistan with the Army.

Reese is adjusting pretty well to the move, but misses her daddy a lot and is not looking forward to the deployment. She loves her new school and the fact that she gets to hug and play with her cousin Lexi during recesses. She also loves gymnastics and will often try to show us her latest tricks.  Right now she wants to be a doctor, vet, teacher, and mother all at the same time. Reese is beautiful and kind and dramatic.

Celia is becoming a beautiful young woman right before our eyes and refuses to quit growing no matter how many times we ask. She loves her guinea pigs and plans on becoming a veterinarian someday. She frequently rolls her eyes when her dad teases that we are going to eat her guineas. She also loves YouTube videos, her phone, baking, friends, talking, and spending time with family. Celia was able to be a part of a local production of The Little Mermaid with good friends and really enjoyed it.

Jennifer started the year out as a teacher’s aide for the local middle school. It was a challenging, rewarding, and eye-opening experience. She is actively working on writing a novel and hopes to finish it soon because it has been an on-and-off project for the last 4 years.

John was able to do a half Ironman in Indiana this year. He has wanted to do an Ironman and is very glad he did. Other than that, he still loves his job as a flight paramedic and spends lots of time devoted to it. He is ready to serve our country and help save lives, although he will miss his girls.

This year the word sacrifice has new meaning. While at Gettysburg, we learned about Elizabeth Thorne. She was the wife of the local cemetery caretaker. When the civil war started, her husband went off to war. She was pregnant and had three little boys. During the fighting she had to flee and afterwards she came home, 6 months pregnant, to a trashed house and had to bury the dead with some help from her father. Elizabeth is one of many who have sacrificed for the United States of America and somehow hearing stories like that makes our sacrifice easier to bear. We are very grateful for the many sacrifices of others. Their examples inspire us.

We are especially grateful for Jesus Christ and His sacrifice and example. He is the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all our friends and family.

These are some of the family pictures my sister LaFae was nice enough to take for us.  Only one made the cut, but I kind of love the silly ones that show our personality more so I included them here for your enjoyment. Oh and yes, Reese is indeed biting my head in that one picture.   

I love technology

The last few months have been rough. Trying to adjust to living with my parents, having John gone for training and now officially deployed overseas, and getting to see John during the holidays only to say good-bye again have been challenging. During Thanksgiving John brought an almost life-size cardboard cutout of himself that the military made for promotional purposes. Some mornings I wake up and say hello or even I love you to it. I guess it will have to do for now.

I am so grateful for technology. I mean my husband is currently in Kuwait somewhere and he was able to video chat with me this morning. Not that I love him seeing my hair and face with all it's crazy I haven't gotten out of bed yet going on, but at least he couldn't smell my morning breath. Being able to take my phone into my girls room and have the first voice they hear in the morning be their fathers is pretty amazing if you ask me.

I have read books and talked to women who had to wait weeks and sometimes months for letters (which was their only form of communication). I am so glad that I am spoiled by technology.

Even with the wonderful technology advances it is still hard to have a deployed husband. The physical loss of him is still there. My bed is still ridiculously cold and lonely at night and somehow I kind of miss my butt being slapped all the time.

I just can't let myself think about that or dwell on that too long. Like a lot of other things. I really tried to get pregnant before he left. Part of me really hoped that if I did, then I wouldn't miss him physically. I would be cranky and pregnant and not want to be touched. I guess I felt that would be easier. I was pretty upset when I found out that I wasn't. I buried myself in "The Chemist" by Stephanie Meyer (a good, female smart not physical, Jason Bourne type novel that still has romance sprinkled in it and I would recommend for anyone who likes romance or Jason Bourne type action). I have cried so much the last week or so that it is probably no small wonder that my nose has a huge cold sore that I am trying to recover from. Which thanks to technology and video chats, I have not hidden from my husband.

Life has its hard moments and this last week or two have been very challenging.

Still, I won't stay like this because my girls need to see a strong mother and they need an example of how to get through the difficult times. So I am signing up for and doing a full marathon and I might even be doing an obstacle course run. Anyone want to do it with me?  I have also signed up for weight watchers with my mother and we are going to work on losing weight. I can honestly say that doing that has made me feel so much better. Eating in moderation and eating good foods makes a big impact on how my body feels and how I feel about myself. I like weight watchers because there are no foods you can't eat, you just can't go crazy and eat a whole bag of chocolates (at least not and expect a good result). However, I can have a treat every now and then and still lose weight. Shoot I could have a mini candy bar every day and still loose weight. I just can't have 10 mini candy bars. Once again technology is awesome because I have this little app on my phone that makes it super simple to keep track of what I eat and make sure that I am eating enough, but not too much.

I even use technology to track my runs and other exercise, all while listening to music. #blessedbytechnology

Technology also allows me to talk to and get support from the many other military spouses out there. I have a group of ladies that are sisters of the heart to me. I reached out to them this last week and I knew they could understand what I was feeling. They were awesome and they live all over the place. (Sorry Tammy for your -45 degree weather in Alaska) Thanks to technology I can shoot a message out to them and anyone else I need to and feel so much better. I can be reminded that I am not alone and that deployments can be survived. I watched them survive.

So what is the point of this, I don't know. But I love technology.