News - one military spouse's point of view

I don't watch or read or listen to the news very much. On purpose. I remember distinctly the moment I gave up on it as a regular pastime. I was sitting at my work desk thinking about my future children and how scary the world will be for them. I had just finished reading the latest updates on rapes, murders, corrupt politicians, etc. My heart was so filled with fear that I physically felt ill. You see I used to have a morning ritual of scouring the news sites on the internet. In fact, they were my homepage.

That day was a turning point for me, though. I thought to myself: "Why do I subject myself to the horrific details of these crimes on a daily basis? Is this really what most people are like?" Those thoughts made me want to run and hide in some beautiful forest surrounded by nature and peace. Then I looked around me at my co-workers. No, they were not perfect. Many of them irritated me for one reason or another at some point and I am sure I did the same to them. Still they made me laugh, they were nice on occasion and they celebrated birthdays with cake (Fudgey the whale ice cream cake from Carvel's was my favorite). My thoughts turned to my family and friends that I loved dearly. They were amazing people that showed me love, compassion, kindness, laughter, and so many other good things in life.

That was when I came to the realization that I needed to stop reading the news religiously. Now, I do read or see an occasional news report or article. I will watch when their is a major event. Mostly because I want to see the inspirational stories that come out of the horror. You see that is what I want. I want to know the good people do when they are faced with trauma.

You may be wondering what all this has to do with the military. Well I will tell you. Being a military spouse means that a news report about a war in a foreign country is no longer a random story. That could be my spouse, a friends spouse, or someone we know and love. More than that. Stories of wars brewing make me hug my husband a little longer, love him a little more. I never know when something will happen and he will be called away. Away being a foreign country where people will shoot at him and he will be trying to save lives while they shoot.

I don't want to hear about the latest helicopter crash stateside or in another country. I will not let myself live in fear every time my husband gets in that black hawk. I know what can and may happen, but I refuse to give up my happiness for fear of those things. My husband loves his job and I love him. I have been married for fifteen years and have endured my husband when he has a job he doesn't like. It is miserable for our whole family. I have a choice in my life too. I can choose how I feel about my husbands job and I choose to be happy. It pays the bills and takes care of our family in so many ways.

Knowledge is power, but what kind of knowledge to we want to gain. What do we want to have in our lives. No matter what happens in the world around us, we choose what we allow into our lives. When we choose what we watch and read we are allowing those shows and books into our lives. What do you want in your life? More celebrity gossip? More stories of horrible crimes that give the perpetrator a voice?

I want so desperately to fight the trend and to say to all those who are doing evil, "I don't care about what you did and why you did it. I want to know the victors over the trauma that you inflicted. That is what I want to let into my life and brain. I don't care what your name is because I only want to remember those who do good. You may like to incite fear into people, but you can not have mine. I choose to fight fear and to celebrate those who came to the rescue and helped instead of hurt." So bring me more Cinderella stories please. I want to know those who overcame the worst life had to offer and still found their own way to happiness.

Chocolate!!!!

I have written a lot this last year about weight loss and exercise. Both are subjects I am very passionate about. Unfortunately, I have been struggling with the motivation for weight loss a lot lately. Instead of trying to beat myself up about, I resolve to remember that there is a time and a season for all things. I keep trying to and failing, but I know the real reason I am not able to keep up my motivation. It is because I am also trying really hard to get pregnant. It is not a subject that I like to talk about because it makes me very sad. The truth is I have two beautiful girls and they are enough. Yet in my heart I don't feel like I am done having kids. It is a subject I have thought and prayed about a lot.

Over the last two months of Clomid (a fertility drug I am taking to help me get pregnant) my emotional state has been erratic and I have been unable to control my eating. A few weeks ago as I reached the peak of my PMS and was stressed to the max after just finishing the latest round of bills and budgeting, I wanted chocolate. Not just a simple, "Oh some chocolate would be really nice right now." It was a full blown I will search the couch cushions or do whatever I have to do to have some chocolate experience. Standing in the kitchen with the words chocolate reverberating around my brain like some crazed addict, I came up with a plan. I had one more stick of butter in the house and ingredients for some no bake cookies. As I started to make them, things quickly got out of hand. I over boiled the sugar, butter, milk, cocoa mixture and it was hardening up. By the time the peanut butter and oats were added the cookies seemed more crumbly than moist. No problem, I have done this before. I knew what to do, add more milk. So I did....too much milk.

By the time I finished with these cookies they were overly wet and would not harden up no matter what. Yet, I still scraped those gooey globs of chocolate off the foil lined counter and consumed a mass quantity of calories and chocolate. Crisis averted.

Funny thing, last month when I started to take this wonderful medicine in the hopes of having my final baby sometime before I turn 40, I had warned my daughters and husband. I told them I would do the best that I could, but I have no control over the side effects of this medicine. I have been trying really hard to keep the side effects in check, but I feel nauseous a lot. My PMS consisted mostly of angry thoughts about everything and the rage has been hard to keep in check. Not to mention depression, dizzy spells, and so much more.

As I was driving home from the grocery store I had this silent talk with God in my head. Do I really have to do this; ie take this medicine? Is it even going to be worth it? Can't I just have it easy and simply get pregnant? Isn't there anyone out there who can give me a baby for free (I would pay if I could, but I can't afford the over $10,000 adoption fees)? 

My answer was simple. Heavenly Father reminded me of the Book of Mormon Story about Nephi going to get the brass plates with his brothers. Nephi said he would go and do what the Lord commanded because the Lord would prepare a way. Did that make it easy for Nephi to get the plates? No, it was still really hard and he risked his life to get those plates. Now I know because the Lord has let me know that I am not done having kids. I would be very happy to simply accept my two girls and be done with this whole fertility mess. Since I know that I am not done and that the Lord will bring a child to me in His own way and in His own time, what is a little anger, depression, nausea and everything else. Simply a trial of my faith and will I continue to follow the difficult path? You bet I will, I will go where my Lord leads me even if the way is not easy.

Christmas Letter 2015

Autry 2015

          The hills were covered in a dense fog that gave us a sense that we were traveling through the clouds. It was a surreal feeling as we searched for a house to rent. However, it was the people we met, not the beautiful scenery that made all the difference in the world. They gave us the welcome we needed and helped us find a place to rent for our new adventure in Pennsylvania. The scenery was an added bonus.

            The people we have and do meet are really what make all the difference in the world. If you are reading this letter, you are one of those people.  Thank you so much for being a part of our journey through life. We love you and are grateful to know you.

Reese turned 5 this year and moved into her 6^th residence and 4^th state. She started kindergarten and is enjoying it so much that she comes home and plays pretend school. She now wants to be a teacher. Celia turns 11 very soon and is now in the 5^th grade, which is middle school in this town. She is also sharing shoes with her mother, but not yet taller than her. (5 inches away)

John was promoted to Staff Sergeant and that promotion is the reason for our move. He is still a Flight Paramedic in the Army and absolutely loves his job. His favorite part of the move is that it necessitated an all wheel drive vehicle and he now owns a car he loves. (Subaru WRX AKA “the Second Wife”)

Jennifer has had a very busy year working on her writing. She has reviewed books for online newspapers, written articles for various sites, and is attempting to work on a novel. You can follow some of that writing on the blog: http://imperfectlymormon.blogspot.com/ 

We hope that this year has been filled with adventures, good times and even better friendships for you. May the love of Jesus Christ during this season and always bring you the peace that only our Lord can provide.

We send lots of love from our family to yours.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

My friend, Michael Steinmacher, is the head librarian over at Fort Knox. He asked our family to pose for some pictures for a press release on the library winning a national award for being such an awesome library. Since I would do almost anything to help the library out, I agreed. It really is a great library. Michael does a great job running it. So that is where our lovely family picture comes from.  I really liked the picture because we are all genuinely smiling and laughing. Pretty rare to get that from our family when the camera is on us. It was a really funny book, though. Made even funnier with John and Reese's side comments. 

Year in Writing

Last year I worked harder on writing than ever. I felt inspired to put myself out there more, even though that can be a nail biting experience. I have written when there was something worth saying and that has been almost every month this year; sometimes more. I have been led to sites to get my articles out there and have also been blessed to be asked to write for http://www.mum.info/. I have had some moderate success and I am very happy with what I have accomplished. Here are the links for my articles and book reviews for the year 2015. Review them if you like, but I think I will enjoy having them all in one place.

January - An article about an inspiring lds high school seminary and their efforts to unite with other seminaries around the world in putting on the armor of God. http://www.ksl.com/?nid=210&sid=33071082

February - A book review for "The Healer" By Gregg Luke http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865623063/Book-review-The-Healer-merges-Welsh-legends-spiritual-gifts-in-speculative-novel.html

March - A book review for "Bible Bands" http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865624668/Book-review-Bible-Bands-helps-readers-create-a-reminder-of-their-faith.html

April - A little parenting article http://familyshare.com/beware-the-perils-of-parent-karma
           A book review for "The Perilious Journey of the Not-So-Innocuous Girl" by Leigh Statham
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865625675/Book-Review-The-Perilous-Journey-of-the-Not-So-Innocuous-Girl-is-an-adventure-filled-romance.html

May - The article with the most hits on relationships http://www.familyshare.com/marriage/8-ways-to-rebuild-a-broken-relationship
       
June - An article on traits for the best parents http://www.familyshare.com/parenting/10-things-the-best-parents-do
          An article on exercise http://familyshare.com/health/7-tips-to-fitting-exercise-into-a-frenzied-mother-lifestyle
          Book review for "Princess in Disguise" by E.D. Baker
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865630196/Old-tales-new-twists-These-8-recent-novels-have-roots-in-fairy-tales-myths.html

July - A book review on "Love's Deception" by Kelly Nelson
 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865633373/Book-review-Loves-Deception-delivers-a-clean-romance-full-of-complications.html

August - An article about moving to help families (appropriate since we moved in August)
http://www.mum.info/10-practical-tips-that-will-help-your-family-when-moving-out/

September - Book review on "Sunday lessons and Activities for Kids" edited by Marci McPhee
 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637108/Book-review-Sunday-Lessons-and-Activities-for-Kids-shares-experiences-tips-for-serving-in.html
                    An article about exercise and marriage http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637399/Guest-commentary-How-exercise-saves-my-marriage.html

October - Book review on a couple Halloween books. http://www.deseretnews.com/top/3440/0/23-Halloween-books-for-young-readers-share-fun-spooky-stories.html
                 Exercise, weight, and self esteem article http://www.mum.info/why-losing-weight-helped-a-mothers-self-esteem-in-a-big-way/

December - An article about peace during difficult times. http://familyshare.com/faith/the-secret-to-peace-during-difficult-times-just-one-thing
                   An article about Christmas cards: http://familyshare.com/christmas/how-people-really-feel-when-they-get-your-holiday-card

In 2016 it is my goal to have either written an article or a blog post every week.  Since sometimes it takes a while to get an article published and sometimes they are rejected, there should be a great deal more blog posting in my near future. Honestly, writing is hard for me. Especially to put myself out there in a public forum where people have opinions and are not always nice. Even worse to let people inside my crazy head so that they could see my flaws. My writing can be very full of flaws. I would not even admit that I am a great writer. However, I know that I can improve and the only way to do that is to put in the time and write more.  I also feel very strongly this is what the Lord wants me to do. With the Lord I can do all things; even become a great writer. 2015 was a good year to start writing more and 2016 will be even better.

10,000 hours

You might not think that a computer mogel like Bill Gates and a prophet of God like President Thomas S. Monson have much in common, but you would be wrong. Not only do they have two things in common, but you have those same things in common as well.

In 1968 homes, didn't have computers. Neither did schools or a lot of colleges. Computers were big and took up an entire room and many people were unsure of what to do with them. However, a wealthy thirteen-year-old kid going to a private school had access to one because the school bought one. Later, that same kid, worked on a computer that a local college had on campus. He spent hours in front of computer screens programming and figuring out this wonderful new machine. He would sneak out of his house in the middle of the night to ensure he got even more time with the computer. Hours and hours were spent working with computers, until by the time he was a sophomore at Harvard University he dropped out and started a computer company with a friend. The kid is Bill Gates and that company is Microsoft.

There were two major contributing factors of Bill Gates' success. He had access to computers and he spent a lot of time working with them. "Researchers have settled on what they believe is the magic number for true expertise: ten thousand hours." (pg 46 "Outliers The Story of Success" by Malcolm Gladwell) Bill Gates spent over 10,000 hours on computers before he was a sophomore in college during a time when most people had never even seen a computer. In order to gain true expertise in a skill/subject/etc, you need to have opportunity and time.

In 1950 at the ripe young age of 22, a man was called as a bishop to be in charge of a demanding and aging ward for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A calling that was not sought after and for which he received no pay. Between that calling and a short calling as a counselor in the bishopric previous, he spent an estimated (if estimating 20 hours of service a week as bishop and 10 hours a week for being a counselor) five thousand four hundred and sixty hours in the service of our Lord. Those were hours spent praying for guidance, listening to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, serving, leading, and being trained by the Lord. "President Harold B Lee once described Tom's five years of service as a bishop...equaling that of a bishop serving twenty-five years in any other ward." ("To The Rescue The Biography of Thomas S. Monson" by Heidi S. Swinton)

Then at the age of 27, this same man was called as a counselor in the stake presidency. This calling gave him an additional two thousand and eighty hours of leadership service for the church. That brought him up to eight thousand five hundred and forty hours of total leadership service. When he was 31, he was called as mission president and that required more than full time hours. In fact, other than sleep he only got 8 hours a week off from the calling. During that time he gained an additional five thousand four hundred and eight hours of training from the Lord.

By the time President Thomas S. Monson was called to be an apostle for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in October 1963 at the age of 36 he already had over thirteen thousand nine hundred and forty eight hours in leadership service; making him a true expert. However, this was still the beginning of his training. President Monson was an apostle for forty-five years before being called to be a prophet, seer, and revelator for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The Lord made sure that President Monson had the opportunity to gain all the expertise he needed to lead us today and President Monson put in all those hours.

We have been blessed with the knowledge he gained during his lifetime. Some of his well known sayings and pearls of wisdom are:

"Never postpone a prompting."
"What is most important almost always involves the people around us."

"We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."

"Our most significant opportunities will be found in times of greatest difficulty."

"To find real happiness we must seek outside ourselves."

"Along your pathway of life you will observe that you are not the only traveler. There are others who need your help. There are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspire, and souls to save."

President Monson's most recent message is: "As we follow the example of the Savior, ours will be the opportunity to be a light in the lives of others."

This is President Thomas S. Monson's message. Our Heavenly Father called him to be the leader of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because he is truly an expert at listening to the Lord and leading. The Lord made sure that he was given the opportunity and President Monson has put in the hours. It is now the world's privilege to be blessed by his expert advice and counsel.

What are you doing with the opportunities the Lord gives you?

What are your 10,000 hours of expertise going to be in?

You have been given and have made opportunities for yourself. Whether they are in the business world like Bill Gates or in ways that serve your fellow man like President Thomas S. Monson, those opportunites are yours alone. The time you have spent in those opportunities are your legacy. In the scriptures, it states that the Lord needs everyone in building up His church. Everyone has a role to play and a purpose. "For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ." (1 Corinthians 12:12)

We all have time and opportunity. Will you follow the advice of President Monson and use your time to bless others? Will you lead others to Christ? What are you doing with your time?

Bill Gates, President Thomas S. Monson, and you have been given time and opportunity. Bill gates helped bring computers into homes and President Monson helps bring us closer to the Lord. The opportunities are different for everyone and what you do with your time is your choice, but everyone is given those two things. With time and opportunity we decide the legacy we leave in this world.

In Denial

In the novel, Gone With the Wind, the main character Scarlett often says "I'll think about that tomorrow." At the very end of the novel, the love of her life is walking away and her response is to think about it tomorrow. Have you every done or said that to yourself about something that is hard and you don't want to face? I will think about that tomorrow. I have and quite frequently, about many things in my life.

Now it is not always bad to put off thinking about and dealing with something that is hard. However, when tomorrow keeps getting pushed further and further away it can be downright destructive. Sadly there is one area of my life that for about a year now I have been in denial about. I have said numerous times to myself and others, "I will worry about that after....(fill in the blank: we move, the winter is over, this stressful situation is done, etc.)" In a sense I was saying, "I'll think about that tomorrow." Pulling a Scarlett.

It is my weight and eating habits. Years ago after a couple years of marriage where I could challenge my husband in the who can eat more contest, I was overweight. How did I know? My clothes didn't fit for one, but also because I was tired all the time. Yes, I had struggles and trials that were making me sad and maybe even a little tired and depressed. It was the beginning of my infertility journey. You better believe I was sad. However, sadness does not go away by worrying about it tomorrow and continuing to go the same path. Food does not heal that sadness.

In order to be happy, we have to shake things up and not dwell on what we can't change. Instead we need to focus on what we can change and improve. That is what I decided to do years ago when I joined weight watchers with my mother. As my roommate in college once told me, "Exercise is not your problem.  It is what you eat. You are never going to loose weight eating the way you do?" She was right then and she is right now. Exercise is not my problem. I love to exercise. My problem is that I turn to food for boredom, comfort, and everything else. One day I literally headed straight for the pantry when I got off a stressful phone call. In my head I was thinking, "What are you doing? You are not even hungry. You are just stressed."

Weight watchers worked for me because I had to say no a lot and be careful and selective about what I ate. I was not perfect, but when I had a bad day I would try harder the next day. The problem is that over the last year I have been in some serious denial. As the scale number was going up, I kept telling myself that it was not that bad because I was still not at my heaviest number. I was just adding some winter insulation and during the summer I would get rid of it. These and so many other thoughts to push off actually thinking and dealing with the problem.

The truth is that the extra weight did and does matter. Since I love to exercise, those extra pounds are injuring my body. For every 5 extra lbs that I add to my body, I am adding 20 lbs of pressure to my joints. Which means, that my squats have about 60 lbs of additional pressure on my knees and they hurt. My shoulder injury from pushups have been struggling under an unnecessary 60 lbs of additional pressure. (see http://www.arthritis.org/living-with-arthritis/comorbidities/obesity-arthritis/fat-and-arthritis.php for more information on how being overweight affects your body) I am injuring myself for what? Extra food that makes me tired and doesn't make the stress go away. So that I can live in denial and pretend that I am only a little chunky and my body is just getting old?

This last week or so I have decided that I am sick of being tired and having injuries to my body. I do not need winter insulation. Instead I am taking back control of my body and mind from food. I am doing this by no longer eating after I put my girls to bed, drinking lots of water, eating more fruits and vegetables, decreasing the sweets substantially, eliminating stress eating, and watching my portions. It is not easy and I am already slipping a little, but I will not give up the fight. I am worth it and if I don't take control of the eating habits, then why am I wasting my time exercising. I will never have the results I want without both exercise and healthy eating being a permanent part of my life.

Maybe this is your struggle to.  If it is, I commend you for every battle won, every dessert passed up, every vegetable eaten, every late night snacking desire ignored, and all the water you have flushed through your body.

If this is not your struggle, is there something else that you are putting off thinking about until tomorrow? What is it? Has tomorrow, turned into next week, next month, next year... It is time to face the struggle with a positive outlook on your future. Drop the negative thoughts about what is holding you back and go forward with confidence that you can overcome.

I am not on this weight loss journey again because I hate being fat and my body. I am doing it because I love myself and I deserve a healthy body. I want to look good and feel good for myself. I deserve it and so do you. Even if this journey is for me, I know it will not just impact myself. As I eat healthier, so does my family. In the end, something I do for myself will improve my entire families life.  I am worth the time and attention because I am a very important part of my family. So are you!

Honoring Sacrifice

As I hear the cannon fire and each state named in order of joining the United States of America, I am transported back in time when a group of people are boarding a boat seeking freedom to practice their religion. Then my mind flashes forward to another group meeting together to declare their independence. Finally in my mind’s eye, I see these people coming together again to find common ground and create a constitution. Interestingly enough, the first amendment in this new constitution contains the right to establish and practice the religion of your choice. A right that was fought for on many occasions and one of the reasons many had come, and still come, to this amazing country; The United States of America.

Every year all of America celebrates our independence and our freedom on July 4th. We celebrate with barbeques, families get together, swimming, watermelon, corn, and the beautiful bursts of noise and color in our firework shows. Being on a military installation to celebrate this day is a different experience then celebrating it anywhere else. I would recommend that everyone take the opportunity to celebrate with Veterans when possible. A military base celebration of Independence Day can have many of the same typical components as everywhere, but there is a feeling that it different. Maybe it is the strict stand at attention with shoulders pulled back and necks stiff as the national anthem is played. Or perhaps it is the knowledge that each and every person there has sacrificed for their countries freedom. Soldiers have left homes and families and seen horrors they can neverunsee. Wives and husbands have kept the home front going becoming a single parent for a time and pushing the fear of losing their loved one aside. Some have lost a loved one, a dear friend, their brother or sister in arms, or have simply come home forever changed.

As the spouse of a military soldier I have experienced some of these things, watched as dear friends dealt with others of them, and will endure even more in the coming years. In many ways, I count it as a privilege to sacrifice for my country and for freedom to continue. Whenever it is time to pack up and move again, I think of all the founding fathers went through to provide freedom for me and my family and my sacrifice pales in comparison. Those original colonists truly left all they ever knew and took a chance on a new place. I can look on the internet and see what housing options, activities, and local life a new place offers. They had to blindly take a chance on the unknown.

How do we honor their sacrifice? Is a barbecue and fireworks enough? 

My life and many others have been affected by more than just the sacrifice of those original American pioneers. I have also been blessed by the sacrifice of pioneers of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints. In a country started in many ways by the desire for freedom of religious beliefs, the early saints for the LDS church were persecuted heavily. They truly sacrificed much to freely practice their religion. They were driven from every US city that they went to. They were shot at, killed and even had an extermination order issued against them in Missouri. They finally fled outside of the geographical United States territory toward the greatunknown of the west. Sadly, they were unable to receive that fundamental right to worship and be free from persecution until they were no longer a part of the US. Thankfully, that has since changed and members of the LDS church are no longer hunted down.

Among these LDS pioneers were some of my own ancestors and they have left me a legacy of sacrifice. In the month of July we celebrate not just our country, but also Pioneer day. In Utah they celebrate this day with parades and various other activities. Unfortunately, I have never been in Utah on that day. I have only experienced a simple ward celebration for that day. Yet, I still feel like I have seen LDS pioneers' sacrifices honored. In Nauvoo countless wonderful missionaries daily reenact and honor the sacrifice of LDS pioneers. It is easy to see and feel of the sacrifice of those early pioneers when you see the amount of work that goes into building a wagon or when you feel of their faith through their stories. It is almost as if you are stepping back in time and you finally understand their lives. You understand why leaving the homes they built was a sacrifice. They did that for me and for so many others like me who would be blessed by being a Mormon. 

When we honor those sacrifices of pioneers, whether they be the pioneers of United States or LDS pioneers, we are blessed because it helps us remember the gifts we have been given. We have been blessed with freedom and that freedom, especially the freedom of practicing our religion and our beliefs, is worth honoring. One of the best ways we can honor it is by not letting it slip from our grasp. We can fight for that freedom to continue to be available to all and learn, as the founding fathers learned, to find a way to work together in spite of our differences.