Ursula's Backstory

As we sat watching Disney's "The Little Mermaid," we wondered why Ursula hated King Triton so much? What was Ursula's story? I asked the girls their opinions and then I came up with my own back story. Here it is in a condensed format:

Ursula was born to a single mother, Xylia. She looked so much like her mother, that at first she didn't think about her parentage much. Xylia was a witch and Ursula quickly became her mother's apprentice. Xylia was a strict and unloving mother that Ursula tried to please when she was a child and wished to be rid of in her teenage years. When Ursula finally got old enough to ask her mother about who her dad was, Xylia simply told her that it was not time for her to know yet. Ursula continued to try to ask, but eventually gave up when her mother became so angry that she threatened to feed her to the sharks.

Ursula would dream that her father would one day return and give her all the love she desperately wanted and needed. When Ursula became a teenager, Xylia sent her off to a private school. Ursula was excited, but quickly realized that her Octopus tail did not endear her to the mermaids that she went to school with. She always felt different and many of the mermaids stayed away from her because they knew who her mother was.

One week Prince Triton and Ursula ended up in detention together. Prince Triton was there for shocking another student with his mini training sceptor. Ursula had magically shut a mermaid's mouth closed and was serving out her punishment. Prince Triton was an adventurous young boy who was intrigued by this new and different Ursula. He took the opportunity to talk with Ursula and they quickly became friends. As their friendship progressed Prince Triton brought Ursula home to meet the parents.

Prince Triton's dad, Neandro, was furious when he met this new friend of his son's. He told Ursula to go home immediately and forbade that they see each other ever again. Ursula left very upset and that was when she met her two eel friends. Neandro then took Triton aside and explained himself. He knew that forbidding them to associate was a sure fire way to get them together. You see Neandro was Ursula's father. Years ago Ursula's mother, Xylia, had magically tricked Neandro into having a momentary fling with her. Xylia had hoped to have his first son and heir and rise to power in the underwater kingdom through her son. When Ursula came out, she changed her plan. Ursula would be used to drive a wedge in the Royal family and help destroy them for good.

Prince Triton didn't know how to take the news and did not want Ursula to ruin his family. Out of fear he avoided her from that moment on. Ursula became friendless and the teasing increased without Triton stopping it. Triton even pulled jokes on Ursula occasionally. When Ursula finally confronted Triton about what was going on and found out that they shared a father, she was so upset that she went home to her mother. Xylia used this opportunity to spin the story her way. Xylia told Ursula that she had loved Neandro and he loved her, but he was too afraid to break up his marriage. When Xylia became pregnant Neandro was furious and refused to claim Ursula as his own child. Neandro had ruined their life and would never accept them.

Ursula believed the claims and for years she worked with her mother Xylia to overthrow and kill the royal family so that they would pay for what they had done to her.

In the end Ursula had a choice, but so did Prince Triton. Prince Triton let fear of what could happen and shame of where she came from, prevent him from treating her like a step sister. Ursula decided to believe her mother and gave into all the hurt feelings of being different. She focused on all the wrongs she had experienced and punished everyone she could for her own experiences. She never could forgive Triton for rejecting their friendship and wanted to destroy him for the hurt he caused her.

Haven't you ever noticed that there are moments when Ariel herself resembles Ursula? It's her Half-Aunt and the facial expressions must come from dear old Grandpa Neandro.

Give a little Love

"I hate you."

"You are so selfish"

"Why don't you ever pick up after yourself"

"That is mine"

Growing up there were times my siblings and I would say things like that to each other and more. I was number 6 of 7 kids in the family and I love them all. Yet, sometimes we all got on each other's nerves. At those times when the bickering would reach an all time high, we would have a special family evening lesson. Each of us would sit with a piece of paper in front of us, wondering what our parents had in store for us (of course we never wondered again after the first time and there were numerous times we had to do this lesson). The instructions were simple. Put your name at the top of your paper and pass it to the person on your right. That person would then write down a compliment for the person whose paper it is. Your paper is passed all around until you finally get that paper back filled with compliments.
 
At times, when I was very upset with a family member, it was hard to come up with a compliment and it would take much longer to write one down. Other times, I knew that a family member was struggling and I sought for the best compliment to help them in their time of need. These compliment lists are now treasured to me because they remind me that no matter how bleak something can seam it can always be turned around. Our fighting didn't always stop completely with this lesson, but it really did lesson quite a bit after we had it. You see when you are looking for the positive attributes of those around you, it is much harder to focus on the negative.

Fast forward my life to only a few years ago. I was not feeling as loving to my husband and kids as I wanted. They were annoying me for various reasons and I really wanted to change my perspective. So with some inspiration from a picture on Pintrest I came up with an idea very similar to those compliment lists of old. I made a trail of hearts that led to one big heart each day for the first 14 days of February. Each day was someone else's special day and they could follow the little hearts from their room to where the big heart was located, somewhere else in the house. On the big heart I wrote them a simple compliment and some days I left a treat or special gift. It has been three years now, since I started this tradition, and I can honestly say that it helps me so much. Everyday I am reminded of the things I love about my husband and daughters. Everyday I am looking at the positive.

My youngest, Reese, is very excited when it is her turn and looks forward to what each day will bring. This year she asked me, "Mom where are your hearts?"

"Sweetheart, I don't make myself hearts." was my reply.





So John and the girls decided to make me my very own heart and leave me a gift. (Reese secretly hoping that I will share my gift.) Last night I could hear them laughing as they cut and decorated hearts of all sizes. It was precious to hear and makes me feel like my heart could burst. Afterwards, Reese kept running up to me giving me extra hugs and kisses.




This morning Reese came to me and begged me to get out of bed and go get the gift and see the heart. Then she made sure to show me where to go. She was so excited and it was so cute. I think she was almost as excited for me to get my heart as she was to get her own heart.





Through this tradition I am reminded and hopefully I am teaching my family that: When we look for the positive in those around us, it fills our heart with love and makes our homes a happier place to be.

My Life and Writing

Those who know me well, know that I have been working on writing a book for over three years now. Sometimes I work a little harder than others. The last few months I have felt this internal push to finish this novel (called Dear Eva). Well the first few weeks of January, I was doing really good and working hard on the very challenging editing process of the novel. Then, I started to work as a substitute aide for the local school system.  (I am sure there will be more posts about this in the future) Well that part time job quickly became a permanent substitute aide at the local middle school.

Which means that I do not have as much free time as I used to. Still there is this push inside me to finish this book. Today I was able to take some time to work on the book and I came across something I wrote a while ago.  I am not even sure if it will make it into the book, but I feel like it would be a good part to share here. As a side note, the book is a journal that a mother starts to write when she starts wanting to have kids. She continues writing through her struggles with fertility. This particular entry would be one after she found out she was not pregnant again (so many times this happens when you struggle with fertility...potentially every month).

Sometimes when your heart breaks it is a sudden and horrific experience and sometimes it is a trickle of pain that escapes a little bit at a time while your heart feels squeezed. Mine is trickling and I want to start the emotional waterfall to just get it over with, but can't. I have to hold it together because that is what adults are supposed to do and because I can't let myself go there emotionally. Why did I even start the process? Why did I start to imagine how and when I would tell my husband that I am pregnant. Such a slippery slope that I continue to slide down only to come to an abrupt and bloody stop.

Baby you are worth the wait and agony, but once again I find myself wanting to know what the future holds instead of focusing on my next step in life. I should realize by now that my life is measured in days and weeks and anything more than that is uncertain. I am starting to find myself afraid to plan too far in the future, for you see you never know what will happen. Nope I never know what will happen.

My prayer is that our Lord will know that now and always I am His humble servant. I will go where He wants me and be who He wants me to be. He leads and I will follow.  I know He has a plan for me and I will take it one step at a time. Hoping that someday all of this will make sense.

I wrote this during a particularly difficult day for me emotionally in my infertility journey. It is a bit dramatic, but at times we are all a bit dramatic. The struggle to get pregnant is real. Even though there are many days I wish my struggle would end, I am also grateful for the knowledge and understanding I have gained. I know my Heavenly Father has a plan for me (as He does for all of His Children, including you). Someday it will all make sense.

News - one military spouse's point of view

I don't watch or read or listen to the news very much. On purpose. I remember distinctly the moment I gave up on it as a regular pastime. I was sitting at my work desk thinking about my future children and how scary the world will be for them. I had just finished reading the latest updates on rapes, murders, corrupt politicians, etc. My heart was so filled with fear that I physically felt ill. You see I used to have a morning ritual of scouring the news sites on the internet. In fact, they were my homepage.

That day was a turning point for me, though. I thought to myself: "Why do I subject myself to the horrific details of these crimes on a daily basis? Is this really what most people are like?" Those thoughts made me want to run and hide in some beautiful forest surrounded by nature and peace. Then I looked around me at my co-workers. No, they were not perfect. Many of them irritated me for one reason or another at some point and I am sure I did the same to them. Still they made me laugh, they were nice on occasion and they celebrated birthdays with cake (Fudgey the whale ice cream cake from Carvel's was my favorite). My thoughts turned to my family and friends that I loved dearly. They were amazing people that showed me love, compassion, kindness, laughter, and so many other good things in life.

That was when I came to the realization that I needed to stop reading the news religiously. Now, I do read or see an occasional news report or article. I will watch when their is a major event. Mostly because I want to see the inspirational stories that come out of the horror. You see that is what I want. I want to know the good people do when they are faced with trauma.

You may be wondering what all this has to do with the military. Well I will tell you. Being a military spouse means that a news report about a war in a foreign country is no longer a random story. That could be my spouse, a friends spouse, or someone we know and love. More than that. Stories of wars brewing make me hug my husband a little longer, love him a little more. I never know when something will happen and he will be called away. Away being a foreign country where people will shoot at him and he will be trying to save lives while they shoot.

I don't want to hear about the latest helicopter crash stateside or in another country. I will not let myself live in fear every time my husband gets in that black hawk. I know what can and may happen, but I refuse to give up my happiness for fear of those things. My husband loves his job and I love him. I have been married for fifteen years and have endured my husband when he has a job he doesn't like. It is miserable for our whole family. I have a choice in my life too. I can choose how I feel about my husbands job and I choose to be happy. It pays the bills and takes care of our family in so many ways.

Knowledge is power, but what kind of knowledge to we want to gain. What do we want to have in our lives. No matter what happens in the world around us, we choose what we allow into our lives. When we choose what we watch and read we are allowing those shows and books into our lives. What do you want in your life? More celebrity gossip? More stories of horrible crimes that give the perpetrator a voice?

I want so desperately to fight the trend and to say to all those who are doing evil, "I don't care about what you did and why you did it. I want to know the victors over the trauma that you inflicted. That is what I want to let into my life and brain. I don't care what your name is because I only want to remember those who do good. You may like to incite fear into people, but you can not have mine. I choose to fight fear and to celebrate those who came to the rescue and helped instead of hurt." So bring me more Cinderella stories please. I want to know those who overcame the worst life had to offer and still found their own way to happiness.

Chocolate!!!!

I have written a lot this last year about weight loss and exercise. Both are subjects I am very passionate about. Unfortunately, I have been struggling with the motivation for weight loss a lot lately. Instead of trying to beat myself up about, I resolve to remember that there is a time and a season for all things. I keep trying to and failing, but I know the real reason I am not able to keep up my motivation. It is because I am also trying really hard to get pregnant. It is not a subject that I like to talk about because it makes me very sad. The truth is I have two beautiful girls and they are enough. Yet in my heart I don't feel like I am done having kids. It is a subject I have thought and prayed about a lot.

Over the last two months of Clomid (a fertility drug I am taking to help me get pregnant) my emotional state has been erratic and I have been unable to control my eating. A few weeks ago as I reached the peak of my PMS and was stressed to the max after just finishing the latest round of bills and budgeting, I wanted chocolate. Not just a simple, "Oh some chocolate would be really nice right now." It was a full blown I will search the couch cushions or do whatever I have to do to have some chocolate experience. Standing in the kitchen with the words chocolate reverberating around my brain like some crazed addict, I came up with a plan. I had one more stick of butter in the house and ingredients for some no bake cookies. As I started to make them, things quickly got out of hand. I over boiled the sugar, butter, milk, cocoa mixture and it was hardening up. By the time the peanut butter and oats were added the cookies seemed more crumbly than moist. No problem, I have done this before. I knew what to do, add more milk. So I did....too much milk.

By the time I finished with these cookies they were overly wet and would not harden up no matter what. Yet, I still scraped those gooey globs of chocolate off the foil lined counter and consumed a mass quantity of calories and chocolate. Crisis averted.

Funny thing, last month when I started to take this wonderful medicine in the hopes of having my final baby sometime before I turn 40, I had warned my daughters and husband. I told them I would do the best that I could, but I have no control over the side effects of this medicine. I have been trying really hard to keep the side effects in check, but I feel nauseous a lot. My PMS consisted mostly of angry thoughts about everything and the rage has been hard to keep in check. Not to mention depression, dizzy spells, and so much more.

As I was driving home from the grocery store I had this silent talk with God in my head. Do I really have to do this; ie take this medicine? Is it even going to be worth it? Can't I just have it easy and simply get pregnant? Isn't there anyone out there who can give me a baby for free (I would pay if I could, but I can't afford the over $10,000 adoption fees)? 

My answer was simple. Heavenly Father reminded me of the Book of Mormon Story about Nephi going to get the brass plates with his brothers. Nephi said he would go and do what the Lord commanded because the Lord would prepare a way. Did that make it easy for Nephi to get the plates? No, it was still really hard and he risked his life to get those plates. Now I know because the Lord has let me know that I am not done having kids. I would be very happy to simply accept my two girls and be done with this whole fertility mess. Since I know that I am not done and that the Lord will bring a child to me in His own way and in His own time, what is a little anger, depression, nausea and everything else. Simply a trial of my faith and will I continue to follow the difficult path? You bet I will, I will go where my Lord leads me even if the way is not easy.

Christmas Letter 2015

Autry 2015

          The hills were covered in a dense fog that gave us a sense that we were traveling through the clouds. It was a surreal feeling as we searched for a house to rent. However, it was the people we met, not the beautiful scenery that made all the difference in the world. They gave us the welcome we needed and helped us find a place to rent for our new adventure in Pennsylvania. The scenery was an added bonus.

            The people we have and do meet are really what make all the difference in the world. If you are reading this letter, you are one of those people.  Thank you so much for being a part of our journey through life. We love you and are grateful to know you.

Reese turned 5 this year and moved into her 6^th residence and 4^th state. She started kindergarten and is enjoying it so much that she comes home and plays pretend school. She now wants to be a teacher. Celia turns 11 very soon and is now in the 5^th grade, which is middle school in this town. She is also sharing shoes with her mother, but not yet taller than her. (5 inches away)

John was promoted to Staff Sergeant and that promotion is the reason for our move. He is still a Flight Paramedic in the Army and absolutely loves his job. His favorite part of the move is that it necessitated an all wheel drive vehicle and he now owns a car he loves. (Subaru WRX AKA “the Second Wife”)

Jennifer has had a very busy year working on her writing. She has reviewed books for online newspapers, written articles for various sites, and is attempting to work on a novel. You can follow some of that writing on the blog: http://imperfectlymormon.blogspot.com/ 

We hope that this year has been filled with adventures, good times and even better friendships for you. May the love of Jesus Christ during this season and always bring you the peace that only our Lord can provide.

We send lots of love from our family to yours.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

My friend, Michael Steinmacher, is the head librarian over at Fort Knox. He asked our family to pose for some pictures for a press release on the library winning a national award for being such an awesome library. Since I would do almost anything to help the library out, I agreed. It really is a great library. Michael does a great job running it. So that is where our lovely family picture comes from.  I really liked the picture because we are all genuinely smiling and laughing. Pretty rare to get that from our family when the camera is on us. It was a really funny book, though. Made even funnier with John and Reese's side comments. 

Year in Writing

Last year I worked harder on writing than ever. I felt inspired to put myself out there more, even though that can be a nail biting experience. I have written when there was something worth saying and that has been almost every month this year; sometimes more. I have been led to sites to get my articles out there and have also been blessed to be asked to write for http://www.mum.info/. I have had some moderate success and I am very happy with what I have accomplished. Here are the links for my articles and book reviews for the year 2015. Review them if you like, but I think I will enjoy having them all in one place.

January - An article about an inspiring lds high school seminary and their efforts to unite with other seminaries around the world in putting on the armor of God. http://www.ksl.com/?nid=210&sid=33071082

February - A book review for "The Healer" By Gregg Luke http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865623063/Book-review-The-Healer-merges-Welsh-legends-spiritual-gifts-in-speculative-novel.html

March - A book review for "Bible Bands" http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865624668/Book-review-Bible-Bands-helps-readers-create-a-reminder-of-their-faith.html

April - A little parenting article http://familyshare.com/beware-the-perils-of-parent-karma
           A book review for "The Perilious Journey of the Not-So-Innocuous Girl" by Leigh Statham
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865625675/Book-Review-The-Perilous-Journey-of-the-Not-So-Innocuous-Girl-is-an-adventure-filled-romance.html

May - The article with the most hits on relationships http://www.familyshare.com/marriage/8-ways-to-rebuild-a-broken-relationship
       
June - An article on traits for the best parents http://www.familyshare.com/parenting/10-things-the-best-parents-do
          An article on exercise http://familyshare.com/health/7-tips-to-fitting-exercise-into-a-frenzied-mother-lifestyle
          Book review for "Princess in Disguise" by E.D. Baker
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865630196/Old-tales-new-twists-These-8-recent-novels-have-roots-in-fairy-tales-myths.html

July - A book review on "Love's Deception" by Kelly Nelson
 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865633373/Book-review-Loves-Deception-delivers-a-clean-romance-full-of-complications.html

August - An article about moving to help families (appropriate since we moved in August)
http://www.mum.info/10-practical-tips-that-will-help-your-family-when-moving-out/

September - Book review on "Sunday lessons and Activities for Kids" edited by Marci McPhee
 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637108/Book-review-Sunday-Lessons-and-Activities-for-Kids-shares-experiences-tips-for-serving-in.html
                    An article about exercise and marriage http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637399/Guest-commentary-How-exercise-saves-my-marriage.html

October - Book review on a couple Halloween books. http://www.deseretnews.com/top/3440/0/23-Halloween-books-for-young-readers-share-fun-spooky-stories.html
                 Exercise, weight, and self esteem article http://www.mum.info/why-losing-weight-helped-a-mothers-self-esteem-in-a-big-way/

December - An article about peace during difficult times. http://familyshare.com/faith/the-secret-to-peace-during-difficult-times-just-one-thing
                   An article about Christmas cards: http://familyshare.com/christmas/how-people-really-feel-when-they-get-your-holiday-card

In 2016 it is my goal to have either written an article or a blog post every week.  Since sometimes it takes a while to get an article published and sometimes they are rejected, there should be a great deal more blog posting in my near future. Honestly, writing is hard for me. Especially to put myself out there in a public forum where people have opinions and are not always nice. Even worse to let people inside my crazy head so that they could see my flaws. My writing can be very full of flaws. I would not even admit that I am a great writer. However, I know that I can improve and the only way to do that is to put in the time and write more.  I also feel very strongly this is what the Lord wants me to do. With the Lord I can do all things; even become a great writer. 2015 was a good year to start writing more and 2016 will be even better.