It has now been 26 months since I started trying to potty train my youngest daughter Reese. I am a potty training dropout. Right now my record is 0 for 2 with my girls in getting them potty trained within a year. My first daughter it was a matter of just getting the pooping under control and we eventually did that. With Reese I tried everything that I had done with my older daughter and nothing worked. I can't tell you how many charts we went through and prizes. 30 squares of just going to the potty without an accident once would take 6 months or longer to complete. That doesn't even include the chart where she was supposed to have no accidents in a day to earn a sticker. That one never got finished.
This may sound silly, but it has been really stressful to have a child that constantly has accidents. I can't take her anywhere without a fresh pair of clothes and I was really nervous about her starting half day pre-k this year. She has done well for the most part during those 3 hours a day, but has had accidents. Not only one's her teacher knew about, some that were small and she told me about when she got home. Picture the deep sigh the resigned shrug and my response of "Ok, let's go change your pants." I have thrown underwear away, I have threatened, I have begged, pleased and cried; all while praying and fasting and begging the Lord to help me know what to do.
Then I rode with a friend to a church function and she said she knew someone who got medical help. My instant reply was what it always is, to shrug off the suggestion because I had thought of it and hadn't felt right about it. Yet the conversation stayed with me. A week or so later Reese came up to me for the third time that day telling me she had an accident and I just could care less. She cleaned herself up and I sat there in deep thought.
You see Reese isn't the only one with a problem in our family. I have spent most of my life struggling with pee issues myself. I always figured it was my curse for having laid on my mom's bladder during her entire pregnancy and not allowing her to pee. One particularly horrific time was in 5 grade when we were playing a game at school and I peed my pants laughing. I had to go home and I really tried not to be traumatized by it After that, I stopped drinking as much fluid becuase I no longer wanted to take a chance. It worked for the most part because I was constantly dehydrating myself and had no pee. There were still accidents, though.
My mom tried to teach me how to do Kegels, but I didn't understand it and honestly still don't. So fast forward lots of years and two kids later, I went in April to have surgery done on my endometrosis in the hopes of helping fix some problems and to get pregnant. The doctor, Dr. Sinervo from The Center for Endometrosis Care, mentions that I have pelvic floor disfunction and should see a physical therapist about it. Yeah right, I am going in for surgery and I am going to sign up for another 4 - 6 weeks of doctors appointments. Once again I did my typical disregard and think about it later response. It takes me a while to process.
Six months later, there I sat thinking about my daughter and living myself in the latest round of sharp pee pee pains as I call them, when the light bulb finally clicked.....What if she has the same thing I do? What if all these years I have been getting so frustrated with her when she can't help it? Man did I feel some serious guilt. Now two weeks into treatment for both of us...(Pretty embarassing to be seeing a doctor for the same problem as your 4 year old) We are getting better, we are attempting to learn those ellusive Kegels and I am seeing progress in Reese.
Our nights are longer with all the exercises and potty practicing that we both have to do, but I am hopeful that maybe I will save her the long years and embarrasing accidents that I have lived with my whole life.
The Lord took a while to answer my prayer because He knew I was stubborn and would only take myself if it would help Reese. It has not and is still not an easy experience to go through. Tuesday's appointment I wanted to go home and curl up in a ball and hide somewhere. It was painful and I feel very defective to be a thirty something year old woman who has accepted so many side effects for so long....Oh yeah and those sharp pee pee pains, they are muscle spasms because my muscles are weak there. Crazy right.
Honestly I would love to have written about anything else as my first blog for this new site, but I keep feeling the Lord telling me to open up and be vulnerable. Not something I love to do. However, for the Lord I will do anything. Sorry if this falls under the TMI catergory. LOL I agree.
