Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Expectations and perspective

A few months before John came home from his deployment in Afghanistan we started to talk about what we wanted to happen at the airport. I asked him what he felt about a photographer being there to take pictures and he didn't love the idea, but said it was up to me. I have gone to ceremonies that are held for active duty army soldiers when they get home from a deployment and taken pictures. The pictures are wonderful and while I wanted that, I couldn't bring myself to pay for it when I have been working hard to get out of debt. I forged a compromise and said what if my parent's come and take pictures. So I mentioned to my parents that I was hoping for that, but did not go in depth on what I wanted.

Like most of the world, I have also seen those amazing videos showing the reuniting of a soldier to their family from a long deployment. I wanted that moment, but I struggled to talk about John coming home up until he was almost home. I was afraid to count on him coming home only to have some change of plan in the military and then have the disappointment of him not coming home. For some reason I think that if I don't say something is definite it will hurt less when it doesn't happen.

John came home earlier than his unit because he needed to attend a course in order to advance in his career and he happened to get into said course toward the end of his deployment. It was hard for John to leave his guys and there was definitely a little bit of guilt felt on my part that my soldier was coming home when others were not yet.

Like most things in the military, my husband did not go straight from deployment to home. He went from Afghanistan to a base in the US where he had to do a bunch of things before they would release him. I knew when he would be at that base, but had no idea when he would be home with me and our girls. In fact, I didn't know he was coming home until the day he came home. It was a Friday and he was came home late at night.

In preparation for John coming home I had been making sure to clean our space, got all pretty, got my nails done, and made sure that his car was clean and ready for him (He loves LOVES his car). The night he came home, we go out to the car to start driving to the airport and the car battery is dead and it is starting to rain. Since I am starting to feel anxious and feel like I don't have time, we just take my dirty and stinky car that has not been cleaned to the airport instead. There is quite a bit of traffic on the roads and we barely make it to the airport in time. I catch a glimpse of my brother in law, Micah, and his wife, Sarah, before running to the bathroom with my youngest.

Then we are out there with our sign awaiting John's arrival. I get a call from him that he has landed and he is at a different part of the airport. We all frantically start to go to the other part of the airport and wait. As we are waiting and waiting and my anxiety is mounting, I realize that we have been waiting too long. I call John and he is over by a different baggage claim area and once again we are racing to find him. I am on the phone with him until we see him. Then my girls race to their dad and give him big hugs. I take a picture of them together and then my husband sees his brother. So John goes off and hugs his brother Micah and my mom whispers to me, "Has John even hugged you yet?" No, no he hasn't. :(  John hugs his brother, his sister in law, and then my mom. Finally after all of them I get a hug and a kiss.

There were no videos taken, no time for him to see the sign we made, and the only picture that I have with him shows my back side. (Really what was the use of me doing my makeup and getting all pretty if there are no pictures to show for it. Not really, but kind of.) At this point I am so happy to see him, but I am still anxious and also a bit disappointed. We go off to the previous area to meet up with my dad and get John's luggage and everyone is so tired after we get the luggage that we go off in our own cars and head home.


Since John's license had expired while he was overseas, I had to drive home. The traffic heading home was even more horrific and so we decide to go a longer way that will avoid a good bit of the traffic. It is about then that it starts to pour down rain. Have I mentioned that I am not a great driver at night because it is really hard for me to see. So I am incredibly anxious trying to wrap my brain around disappointments and be happy that my husband is home and get everyone to the house in one piece. Sometimes my multi-tasking abilities amaze even me.

Yet it is while we are on our way home that God changes me and humbles me and makes me see the light. Because sometimes, more often than I would like, I can focus on the negative and the things that are going wrong in my life. Instead, He showed me the light and helped me to re-write this little story of our reuniting.

You see my dad told us that we should leave earlier than we had planned, so the dead battery and traffic didn't end up making us super late. My car had enough gas to get to the airport and was available when the other had issues. Even though we had some traffic on the way to the airport, it was not as bad as the traffic going the other way. Once at the airport, there was plenty of parking. I got to see my girls run to and hug their dad with so much love that it warms my heart even now to think about it. My husband gave me an amazing hug and sweet kiss. Then my youngest was held by her dad with her arms wrapped around his neck and she was so very very happy because she is a daddies girl.

Although I felt like a nervous wreck the whole way home,  my husband noticed this and said encouraging words to me and played with my hair or held my hand.  Even though the drive home was longer than we would have liked, we were all together and we arrived home safe.

You see sometimes we just need to let go of expectations and change our perspective to see the joys that are a part of the experience. After all the most important thing is that we are all together and that we love each other. The pictures and videos and clean cars that work would have been nice, but they aren't necessary. We had and have the most important stuff, the rest is just fluff.

(Side note: I will totally hire a photographer if we ever go through this again. One that is flexible with their time and realizes that we only know last minute. However, I hope to never have to go through this again and will be perfectly fine with that as well.)